Hickys Blog

Am i a beautiful person

2005-06-10T13:08:00.000Z

Well I figure im gonna use this blog for some good. I’m going to undertake the stupidest tests out there on the net and see what the results are on my fragile psyche

http://www.beautifulpeople.net/loading.asp

This site lets already accepted members rate you. If they decide you are a beautiful person you can join their club. If not you cant.

I submitted my photo and am now anxiously awaiting the results but the real point of discussion is.... do looks really matter. It would be a lie if we said no! Looks do play a part in the attraction to some one.

But is it the most important thing? and how do you get talking to some one to find out if they have a great personality if they don’t immediately make you want to go over and talk to them.

So the real question is… what matters most. Personality or Looks. One of them fades with age (well both can I guess but that’s another discussion)

Let’s see what the ‘beautiful’ people make of my submission

I can hardly wait…… oh hang on I can

Update

2005-06-07T12:15:00.000Z

I aint dead just lazy.. Well what’s been going on in the world this week?

Prize for the stupidest smuggler ever goes to Customs officers found 51 live tropical fish hidden under her skirt while examining the 43-year-old woman's bags on Friday, officials reportedly heard "flipping noises from the vicinity of her waist"
. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4613985.stm

Now. The way i see it if your gonna risk ten years in jail for smuggling then you should at least smuggle something your gonna get well paid for. Drugs or money (NB im not advocating crime here) It just seems to me that smuggling fish is not the way to become the next major crime boss! Is it?

Although that said, Yakuza bosses in Japan are quite keen on stealing Koi Carp from other people! Which seems a little bit sad I think.. surely there are other things to spend money on then a lot of fish which are so dumb they come out of the water for you to feed them then realise they cant get back in and start to panic!!

Well my limited reader (s) I don’t think anyone actually reads this! I recommend a great site to you www.findloveinjapan.com Create take on NOVA (the company I worked for in Japan) . It amazing how everyone who leaves there has the exact same recollection!!

That aside all is quiet in the world of Hicky.

Microsoft and Maps

2005-02-12T16:14:00.000Z

Far be it from me to criticise Microsoft but you have got to admit this is damn funny.

Microsoft and there ever trusty Auto Route on the web have been giving divers directions for some months now. Only problem is they have been getting shitloads of complaints from Norway want to know why.

Say you want to go from Haugesund to Trodheim (you might you never know)

Ok get directions (quickest)….Suggested route…….

Start: Depart Haugesund, Rogaland, Norway on 47 [Karmsundgata] (West) 0.6

1: At roundabout, take the THIRD exit onto 47 [Djupaskarvegen] 0.9

2: Road name changes to Garpeskjærvegen 0.1

3: *Check timetable* Take Haugesund-Newcastle Upon Tyne (North-East)

4: Entering United Kingdom

5: Take Local road(s) (West) 0.3

6: Bear LEFT (West) onto Local road(s) 0.1

7: At roundabout, take the FIRST exit onto Coble Dene 0.3

8: At roundabout, take the SECOND exit onto A187 [Howdon Road] 0.6

9: At roundabout, take the SECOND exit onto Local road(s) 0.4

10: At roundabout, take the SECOND exit onto A193 0.2

11: At roundabout, take the FIRST exit onto Ramp 0.1

12: Merge onto A19 2.1

13: Merge onto Local road(s) <>

14: Bear RIGHT (East) onto Local road(s) <>

15: Bear RIGHT (East) onto Local road(s) <>

16: Merge onto Local road(s) <>

17: Bear RIGHT (South) onto Local road(s) <>

18: Merge onto Local road(s) <>

19: Keep LEFT onto A19 0.6

20: Keep LEFT onto Ramp 0.2

21: At roundabout, take the THIRD exit onto A194 [Leam Lane] 2.2

22: At roundabout, take the THIRD exit onto A194(M) 3.8

23: Merge onto A1(M) 33.4

24: Road name changes to A1 24.0

25: At Exit 49, road name changes to A1(M) [Leeming Lane] 12.9

26: Road name changes to A1 towards A1 / The South / Wetherby 9.1

27: Road name changes to A1(M) 4.5

28: Road name changes to A1 16.9

29: Road name changes to A1(M) 15.2

30: At roundabout, take the SECOND exit onto A1 towards A1 6.8

31: At roundabout, take the FIRST exit onto A1 [Worksop Road] 5.4

32: At roundabout, take the THIRD exit onto A1 37.0

33: At roundabout, take the SECOND exit onto A1 [Great North Road] 5.1

34: Stay on A1 18.2

35: At Exit 17, road name changes to A1(M) 12.4

36: Road name changes to A14 15.8

37: Road name changes to M11 towards M11 / London 42.1

38: At Exit 6, keep LEFT onto 6 towards M25 / M20 / M1 / Dartford Tnl. / Watford <>

39: Road name changes to Local road(s) 0.2

40: Take Local road(s) (LEFT) onto M25 towards M25 / M20 / M23 / Dartford Tnl. / Gatwick Airport 15.6

41: Road name changes to A282 4.9

42: At Exit 2, keep LEFT onto Ramp towards A2 / M2 / M'way / Canterbury / London 0.6

43: Take Ramp (LEFT) onto A2 towards A2 / M2 / Canterbury 9.1

44: Road name changes to M2 towards M2 / Dover / Channel Tunnel / Canterbury / Chatham 5.5

45: At Exit 3, keep LEFT onto Ramp towards A229 / M20 / Maidstone / Chatham / Channel Tunnel 0.4

46: At roundabout, take the THIRD exit onto Local road(s) 0.4

47: At roundabout, take the FIRST exit onto Ramp 0.2

48: Merge onto A229 2.0

49: Keep LEFT onto Ramp 0.4

50: At roundabout, take the FIRST exit onto Ramp towards M20 / Ashford / Channel Tunnel / Dover 0.4

51: Merge onto M20 29.6

52: At Exit 11A, take Ramp (LEFT) onto Local road(s) towards Channel Tunnel 1.3

53: *Check timetable* Take Channel Tunnel (East)

54: Entering France

55: *Check timetable* Stay on Tunnel Sous la Manche (South)

56: *Check timetable* Stay on Tunnel Sous la Manche (South)

57: Take Local road(s) (West) 0.1

58: Turn RIGHT (North) onto Local road(s) 0.7

59: Road name changes to Avenue de France 0.6

60: Take Ramp (RIGHT) onto A16 [E402] towards A16 / E402 / A26 / E15 / Calais / Lille / Reims Paris / Bruxelles 35.4

61: Entering Belgium

62: Road name changes to A18 [E40] 26.2

63: Merge onto A10 [E40] 30.2

64: Keep RIGHT onto Local road(s) towards E17 / Kortrijk / Antwerpen / Gent 1.7

65: Merge onto A14 [E17] 30.7

66: Merge onto R1 3.1

67: Road name changes to A12 [R1] 0.3

68: Merge onto A1 [A12] 2.0

69: Keep RIGHT onto Antwerpen-Oost towards E34 / E313 / Eindhoven / Turnhout / Aken / Luik / Hasselt 0.5

70: Road name changes to A13 [E313] 5.3

71: Keep RIGHT onto E34 [Ranst] towards E34 / Eindhoven / Turnhout 1.3

72: Road name changes to A21 [E34] 29.0

73: Entering Netherlands

74: Road name changes to A67 [E34] 11.9

75: Merge onto A2 [A67] 2.2

76: Keep LEFT onto A67 [E34] towards E34 / Venlo / Duisburg 32.4

77: Entering Germany

78: Road name changes to A40 [E34] 26.4

79: Keep RIGHT onto E34 [14] towards A3 / Hannover / Du-Kaiserberg / Arnheim / Köln 0.6

80: Merge onto A3 [E34] 3.2

81: At Exit 12, keep RIGHT onto Ramp [Autobahnkreuz Oberhausen-West] towards A42 / Kamp-Lintfort / Dortmund / Oberhausen 0.1

82: Take Autobahnkreuz Oberhausen-West (RIGHT) onto A42 [Emscherschnellweg] towards A42 / Dortmund / Oberhausen 17.8

83: Keep RIGHT onto 21 [Autobahnkreuz Herne] towards A43 / Wuppertal / Münster / Recklinghausen / Bochum 0.1

84: Road name changes to Autobahnkreuz Herne 0.4

85: Merge onto A43 37.1

86: Keep RIGHT onto 2 [Autobahnkreuz Münster-Süd] towards A1 / Bremen / Osnabrück / Münster-Nord / Dortmund / Flughafen 0.1

87: Keep LEFT onto Autobahnkreuz Münster-Süd towards A1 / Bremen / Osnabrück / Münster-Nord / Flughafen 1.1

88: Merge onto A1 [E37] 244.7

89: Keep STRAIGHT onto E47 [B207] 20.4

90: *Check timetable* Take Puttgarden-Rodby (East)

91: Entering Denmark

92: Take Local road(s) (North-East) 0.6

93: Road name changes to E47 [Sydmotorvejen] 74.8

94: Merge onto E20 [E47] 17.2

95: Road name changes to Amagermotorvejen [E20] 5.3

96: Road name changes to E20 [Øresundsmotorvejen] 192.2

97: Entering Sweden

98: Keep RIGHT onto E6 [Kungsbackaleden] towards E6 / E45 / 45 / Oslo / Frederikshavn 60.8

99: Keep STRAIGHT to stay on E6 82.2

100: Entering Norway

101: Keep RIGHT onto Ramp 0.3

102: Keep LEFT to stay on Ramp <>

103: Turn RIGHT to stay on Ramp 0.3

104: Bear RIGHT (North-West) onto E6 7.4

105: *Toll road* Stay on E6 (North) 0.4

106: Stay on E6 (East) 18.5

107: Road name changes to E18 [E6] 11.5

108: Keep RIGHT onto Ramp 0.1

109: At roundabout, take the SECOND exit onto Local road(s) 0.2

110: Merge onto 190 3.2

111: Road name changes to E6 63.8

112: Keep RIGHT onto Kolomoen Vegkryss 0.2

113: Bear RIGHT (North-East) onto 3 18.1

114: Turn LEFT (North) onto 3 [Trondheimsvegen] 128.6

115: Stay on 3 33.8

116: Turn RIGHT (North-East) onto E6 58.8

End: Arrive Trondheim, Sør-Trøndelag, Norway

(This is the quickest????)

So a journey starting and ending in Norway. Through 7 other countries what the fuck?

If you don’t believe me check this out.

Biggest oxymoron going: Microsoft Works, biggest Moron on oxygen… Bill Gates

Old People

2005-02-08T13:58:00.000Z

I realise I might incur the wrath and fury of Age Concerned but what the hell; I can outrun anyone on a zimmer frame.

Please don’t mis-understand this as ageism or anything hatred filled. I like old people, several of my grandparents were old people and I miss them dearly.

However what I can’t stand is people who quite frankly…, get in the way. I’m not against old people going outside and enjoying the town, but it pisses me off something rotten when you get stuck behind them.

You move to the left. So do they.
You move to the right. So do they.
You quickly dart back t the right to surprise them, they stick there arm out to block you.
You feint left, then right, then left again and go for the sweet open spot of the right pavement, but no old mother hubbard still manages to block you,.

Seriously, we have should slow and fast lanes on the high streets im sick of nearly tripping over dumb ass people who just stop dead in their tracks not expecting in a city centre of all god damn places that people are walking behind them and now have the option of leap frogging or crashing straight into them!

Keep it moving people!!!

Rage over (for now)

State of Movies

2005-02-07T13:54:00.000Z

I like to think that I'm fairly open minded when it comes to movies. But I have to say that Creep is possibly one of the shittest movies I have ever had the misfortune to watch.

Although I remember one movie, think it was called “The Church” which was so crap when I took it back to the video shop they didn’t want it! That’s usually the kind of dishonour only Jean Claude Van Damme/ and Dolph Ludgren can claim.

Creep I must admit did start off well, although the bloke from casualty/ holby city did sound like he was trying to ‘put on’ an English accent? Why I have no idea…. Anyway… the atmosphere was set and I have to admit that the film produced the best reaction I have ever seen in a cinema audience reaction. The ‘jump’ part (come on you should be expecting it), made a lot of audience scream and or piss/shit themselves. Sitting in the back row I witnessed one person get out of there seat and not return… luckily for that person Asda over the road from the flicks sells jeans so if they did make a mess they might have been able to recover a little bit of dignity!

Anyway…. From there the movie went down hill. And fast. Not so much downhill when I come to think of it. Think more Cliffhanger girl getting drooped at the start and you’re somewhere near.

The killer had no obvious motive besides being a pig ugly son of a bitch and the whole thing turned into a comedy has he ‘prepared for surgery’. Using gloves with holes in, washing his hands with no water etc. what a heap of sweaty elephant bollocks

Seriously how to movies such as this shit get produced??? Who’s funding them?

There has to be someone out there who can write a decent horror movie which scares the shit out of people and sticks two fingers up to Hollywood and their "we must have a happy ending routine." Bollocks. Life aint like that, I'm not saying everyone has to die in every movie but use some common sense. Not everything has a happy ending. Although hopefully Creeps has seen to it that there will be no sequels… thank god. It would be a waste of people’s energy to turn out another pile of shit like that.

Why do movies constantly have to be ruined by studios wanting to ensure sequels or spin off TV series? Wrong turn was a pretty good movie but then they had to go and be stupid by allowing the hill billy who (lets us not forget) has been twatted out of a tree from around 100ft?, been shot, stabbed, ran over, burned, blown up, come back to hack a policeman to death? Why??

Surely there is more than one bunch of red necks in America you could base the sequel on?

Rage over

Going to bathe my eyes in hydrochloric acid now to get rid of the horror that is creep

Sex Laws

2005-02-03T16:18:00.000Z

Having viewed my freinds blog at justbreathe.blog.com i cam across her link to strange sex laws. Here are some random thoughts on them

Real (Strange) Sex

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. (something to do with damage to pricks no doubt)

In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage. (This practice is still continued in Middlesbrough)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Decapitation usually means removal of a head, but which one)

The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals. (lets get this straight… she was called Wu Hu??? Say that again Wu Hu. (woooohoooooooo) and I bet she did)

In London, it's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle. (pretty difficult on a moving one)

There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has. (does this mean you actually have to be naked in the street for everyone to see…. Plus by the time they get you to the evidence room it should have gone away… unless you’re into handcuffs)

In 100 A.D., the Teutons, an Germanic tribe, would punish anyone caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement. (Many girls turn to prostitution cos they are in so much shit.. how ironic)

In 17th century Spain, it was illegal for anyone other than a woman's husband to see her bare feet. A woman could freely expose her breasts, but feet were considered sexual and had to be covered in the presence of men other than her husband. (so breasts are ok, feet bad hmm)

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones. (Mick and Keef??)

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom. (Plus they don’t like mixed western/ Chinese couples, they won’t let you check in unless you’re married)

The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and of course, Sundays. (4 times a week is more then most get)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception—prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (cos ugly people need sex to)

While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum. (and to think of all the hoo ha when they portrayed Alexander the Great a bit poofy in the film)

In Alabama, it's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage." (That’s why Clinton moved)

It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States. (Necrophilia.. crack open a cold one)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry. (Never heard about that from my careers advisor)

An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera. (that’s escaping punishment?)

In Mississippi, S & M is against the law. Specifically, "The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification." (No wonder Marks and Spencer’s is going bankrupt… oh wait a minute)

During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you'd be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime. (I don’t believe anyone can ever say that the animal consented)

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C. (Washington DC your kidding me? They’re all in office now)

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. (defeats purpose of spontaneous sex if you have to get back to ur drive)

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal. (I’m sure Bush, Cheney and co are screwing the Americans in more than just the missionary position)

In Michigan a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. (what if she aint married?)

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session. (Bet you that rules ruined some deals)

In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. (With each other?)

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets. (Damn right… f*8king exhibitionist moose’s/ meese whatever)

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. (That’s unfair against police officers they do a valuable job)

In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on. (If you’ve seen the women/ men there you know why)

In the state of Utah, sex with an animal—unless performed for profit—is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal. (Mormon state! Gods people)

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. (What if she’s having whilst having fantastic sex and he’s just got home from work?)

It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England. (Who’d do a brummie anyway?)

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex. (“Is the phrase do you like that bitch included in that?”)

An Oklahoma state representative once proposed a bill requiring that a man explain the dangers of pregnancy and obtain a woman's written consent before the two could legally engage in sexual intercourse. (Lets face it, it would have increase the “average time”)

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer. (What made this law necessary?)

Thats all folks! Remeber pay attention to the laws and have safe sex!

Web cams and stupid people

2005-02-03T15:30:00.000Z

I realise that most people around this time are putting up blogs regarding Valentines days and the such but quite frankly I couldn’t be arsed. Lets face it it’s all a con. I much prefer to pay attention to the girl all through the year rather than do something special on Valentines Day, it shouldn’t be special on Valentines Day, it should be the same as all the days before and all the days after... woah... need to stop talking about this right now

Being a worker who finds enormous amounts of time to do exactly nothing I trawl the internet looking for things to distract me from the monotony of sitting in a cold office thinking of better ways to waste time. I’m closely coming to equal my boredom record which was set in June 99 when I sat my History A level exam.

I can tell you that there are 138 light bulbs in Hedworth Hall, (AKA the Yellow Wellie) in South Shields, but if you ask me the founding fathers of the Russian revolution im afraid you get zilch.

BTW im pretty sure the yellow wellie was/ is a brothel and is definitely a wife swapping club. The interior is that of an old west saloon.

Anyway needless to say I failed my History A-Level because I'm pretty sure I wrote something about dinosaurs and how they had they’re time much like the Tsars? Should have got marks for creativity.

Although to my eternal shame and constant remanding by Silk, in my GCSE history exam I stated that Mario Van Peebles burned down the Reichstag. For the record it was Marinus van der Lubbe. Shouldn’t have watched Highlander III before that exam!

Onto the topic at hand though......

I’m really struggling to understand why people 'perform' anything in front of web cams? Seriously if they have no intention of it being distrusted why record it.

Case 1:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/aicha.html

Seriously this kid looks like Sherman f5rom American Pie. His singing talents are equal to a person who has been stabbed through the throat with a rusty ice pick.

Case 2:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/titanicpimp.html

How the hell was this meant to win a girl over Christ. The guys so big I wouldn’t be surprised if he was what Titanic hit.

Case 3

http://www.bofunk.com/video/1216/can;t_touch_this.html

Really can’t figure if this guy is being ironic or just a tit

Now 3 pieces of evidence! Why do these people do it? Do you not realise that by committing yourself to any type of media that can be distributed at the click of a button makes you liable for target? For now and forever.

I bet that poor star wars kid is going to have to have therapy!

Should I record myself for all to see, the guide to survival

Q:
Do I have any enemies in the world or people who would love me to make a
fool of myself?
A:
Yes - Don’t do it
No – Go to next question
Q:
Is there anyone lese who uses my computer?
A:
Yes - Don’t do it
No – Go to next question
Q:
Is the intended receiver likely to think I’m a tool and post this to everyone they know?

A:
Yes - Don’t do it
No – Go to next question

Q:
Am I in anyway talented enough to be performing?

A:
Yes - Don’t do it, your lying to yourself
No – Don’t do it

I’m sure if I keep blogging my rage will be unleashed on a few more groups so check back for updates

P

Start of Blog

2005-01-19T21:50:00.000Z

Well lets see what all the fuss is about.

Unlike some very stupid individuals I will not be slagging my work off or doing anything which may result in me getting kicked out of what, for those who know me, is a rather cushy job.

So what do you write on a blog? Guess just your average daily stuff

Having returned from Japan in September I'm slowly but surely getting used to life in the UK. I've composed a part list of comparisons

Japan is better than England cos......

1) Trains work
2) No charvas (although lots of Goths)
3) Nobody hassles you for 10p for a bus fare
4) Ticket machines give change
5) You don't have to travel anywhere to get a monthly train pass like I fecking do on the worlds crappest service the metro
6) I'm above average height there!
7) Low income tax
8) Love hotels... just the fact that they are there!
9) Phones are cheaper
10) Ramen (Japanese dish) is the best food going

England's better than Japan because

1) No squat and drop toilets... these contraptions are horrendous to use if you have a stomach bug what with worries over splash back etc
2) Sunday dinners
3) You can be confident about what your eating
4) You don't have to talk to random strangers who want to practice there English all the time
5) ermmm....
6) struggling here

I'll come back to it!